Radio silence

Aug 31 2016 Published by under Uncategorized

I started blogging just after I got my tenure-track job. I was basically freaking out because I had no idea what I was doing and I stumbled on the science world blog-o-sphere. It blew my mind that there was all this super-useful information just sitting there and no one around me seemed to know about it. Being able to talk with folks was incredibly helpful to me when I was starting my lab. Having a space to share my story made me feel no-so-alone. I actually e-met other queer scientists, and that was awesome.

Around the end of 2012 I quit blogging so much. Not because I was over it. I missed interacting with folks here. But real life was getting in my way. I split up with my wife and moved out. It was hard, and painful. The divorce did not go smoothly. My ex-wife tried to argue that I should not have equal custody with Twig. Lawyers got paid (lots). My mental health was shaky - at best. It was basically all I could do just to sort of keep my head above water. I spend a lot of time dealing with lawyer-related stuff, and it sapped my emotional energy so that I just barely stayed above water.

Anyhow, I sort of feel like I have some things to say about depression and anxiety and single parenting while queer and how it felt to have my life collapse right before my 3-yr review and etc. More of that will probably come. Consider this a warning.


10 responses so far

  • duke_of_neural says:

    I hope some relief is headed your way.

    Looking forward to future posts.

    Thinking positive thoughts your way.

    If you name your Eevee "Rainer" that will make it Vaporeon and those are a lot stronger than most other pokemon.

  • Scientistmother says:

    I can not imagine the emotional turmoil that ending a marriage causes. I know how hard it was when my own marriage was rocky. I don't know if I could've survived it ending. You are amazingly strong and smart. Hugs.

  • Wow. I can't imagine going through such a rough life patch in tandem with being on the TT. I stopped blogging because working towards tenure combined with "typical" family life was overwhelming. You are really tough in the best ways. I am glad you are back--I've always enjoyed your blog. Hopefully more smooth sailing in the future.

  • wally says:

    I hope you do write about it! I'm a queer postdoc (3 months in) and am struggling myself. I feel pretty isolated and concerned about some reactions to me and my research (I study queer stuff) - and get overwhelmed by all the grant rejections and critical feedback. I'd love to hear about how you are navigating things and taking care of yourself.

  • Zuska says:

    I stopped blogging because family stress was killing me - without having a paid job OR a kid. Or a custody battle.

    I am glad you are back. I posted again today too for the first time in forever. Maybe your positive energy is catching!

  • Chall says:

    I did similar things, the community knowledge and sharing when I started post diving was great. Divorce, not so much. I had hard time separating pain and despair seeping into regular posts and stopped writing as much. Now, trying to navigate the private/personal/job.

    Glad to see you back and looking forward reading your insights. You blog gave me a lot back in the day and I'm sure it will in the future too. Best wishes on new life, review times and single parenting and life. Will update the links and feed 🙂

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