Hello, friends. I hope you are enjoying your summer break (or enjoyed, if you have already started classes again). This is a special year for me. See, I'm up for tenure, at a MRI that has an "up or out" policy. That means I either get promoted (with tenure), or I get fired because my contract will not be renewed.
I've turned in my tenure dossier - research statement, CV, teaching evaluations, list of folks that I think should write letters for me - and now, I wait. This sucks so much. I know that I did the best I could, considering*. But still, this is a Big Fucking Deal. And all I can do is wait. UGH!!!!
Well, that's not entirely true. Because there is other stuff to do. I have a few papers that need to get out. They should have been out already, in a perfect world, but it turns out that being a single mom*, teaching, running a lab, and all the other stuff took up some time so I'm a little behind on the paper submissions. But we have some good stuff, that is ready to go. It's gotten good responses at conferences. I think they will be good papers.
Now I'm stuck in this weird place between being tenured and being fired. Part of me is looking forward to what I might want to do if I get the Tenure. Another part of me is planning for when I don't. Reaching out to folks to see if they have job openings (your tenure packet is very similar to a job application, conveniently). I don't really want to leave my MRU - I have some amazing colleagues and incredible collaborators. But I have to be prepared. So, here I am, on the job market again. UGH.
I thought starting up the lab was hard (it was). This is another hard part. But I have such an awesome group, and a fantastic support network now. Even though I am scared and nervous and scared ... it's nice to know I have folks here on my side.
*details will probably follow. I miss writing here - it is good for me, and I want to pick it up again.