F#%& you and your red tape

Jun 30 2011 Published by under Uncategorized

I get that when starting up a new lab that there will be inevitable speed bumps. Sure, this didn't stop me from swearing when the freezer I ordered came with plugs that didn't fit into the receptacles available. But I figured out a way to persevere, and in the end everything worked out. But now. Now I am approaching the end of my rope. So, I would like to offer this letter to the Purchasing Dept. at my MRU:

Dear Purchasing Official:

Fuck you. You have been fucking with me for almost 6 months. I do not understand WHY FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD you seem unwilling to place my order. Do you not realize that if I can't get this inexpensive little Slicer that my super-important Slicer/Dicer/Julienner equipment WILL NOT EVER BE FUNCTIONAL??!!!!??!?! Or do you just not care? Just, by chance, did someone give you a giant roll of red tape for your birthday and you decided to unload the whole fuck-wad of it on me?

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? IS IT REALLY SO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK THAT YOU JUST SUBMIT MY DAMN ORDER SO I CAN DO THE FUCKING RESEARCH THAT YOU HIRED ME TO DO?

I HOPE YOU ROT IN ADMINISTRATIVE HELL. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU AND YOUR "RULES"

FUCK YOU

sincerely yours,

Gerty-Z

12 responses so far

  • Zen Faulkes says:

    Ah, the luxury of a pseudonym...

    I know it's no consolation that it's messed up other places, too. But it is.

  • Uhm, yeah MRU's suck. From getting you a paycheck to making that important purchase. Fully agree.

  • GEARS says:

    OH!!!! that's where my ball of red tape went... 😀

  • DrLizzyMoore says:

    #BALLS! Big Fat #Balls!

    Maybe the explosion of Fireworks will dislodge their heads from their asses-for your sake, I hope so.

  • It may be time to talk to your chair. The academic hierarchy can exert pressure on the administrative hierarchy, but only if you escalate.

  • proflikesubstance says:

    It may also be useful to just call the head of purchasing. I have done this on rare occasion to great effect.

  • gerty-z says:

    So, I have gotten my chair and another higher-up administrator involved. It looks like things *might* start moving. At least the fuck wad in the purchasing dept is at least pretending to try now. Ugh.

  • Spiny Norman says:

    What Comrade Physioprof said. But talk to your Department Administrator, not your Chair. That might be more effective. Or maybe you could just try ordering it yourself by Paypal, and get reimbursed? Just an idle thought...

  • BugDoc says:

    Aaaahhhh, bureaucracy. If only more things could be "bureaucratized" (the Dean of the Graduate School where I got my PhD actually said that to me). My latest favorite is when our purchasing group says they purchased something and actually sends me confirmation that something was purchased, but then.....it turns out it wasn't. Hmmmm.

  • PQuincy says:

    Absolutely go up the academic ladder to politely exert pressure, and also go up the administrative ladder.

    Polite persistence in asking what the holdup is does get results -- and if the specific staff is mired in rules (often rules they did not create, or may not like, but they have no discretion to overrule) -- the department manager or the division head or the Vice Provost may well help if gently informed and invoked. And if nothing will move, showing up in person sometimes makes a great difference. (It is much harder to be the rigid bureaucrat when the person needing help is sitting in your cubicle).

    Likewise, go up your academic hierarchy, if possible. I certainly found as a chair that when I contact a staff person (line or supervisory) directly, they respond as best they can. There are some strong tropisms in academic environments that make that likely. The thing to do is acknowledge that they are trying their best (whether or not its true). Often the unit director or Vice Provost or whatever _can_ do something, and will if a Chair or academic faculty member makes a contact. A chair who is willing to actually make an appointment and go to the Accounting department and sit down with the staff or with the section head can really bring about even more movement, sometimes (though not always, of course: sometimes "the rules" simply are what they are.)

    Of course, it's probably important to burn off the anger and rage first with an anonymous blog post. Polite persistence and expressions (which are often deserved, and even if not) of respect are the foundation.

  • gerty-z says:

    UPDATE: I'm feeling much better now. The rant helped, and I have been able to *finally* get shit ordered. At least, I'm pretty sure it's ordered.

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